I’m ashamed to say that there’s a disconnect between Black men and Black women. We’ve all but lost the ability to come together appropriately and move as a unit. There’s a systematic component to why this is, but the themes have been discussed a million times over. For once, I believe we need to look inward, as we are easier to change than the systems that made things the way they are. We Black men have to look at ourselves and see our potential in all areas, especially in regards to rebuilding ourselves.
We left our homes to allow women to raise our children, just to say things like a woman can’t raise a man. We take advice from lost men, grown boys, unable to let go away from the debauchery of childhood, just to end up twice as lost and just as lonely as they are. We hate the depiction of us and want to be called king, but we often move as indecisive paupers who preach the value of hard work everywhere except in our homes and communities with the women that love us. Most importantly we’ve been driving the narrative that Black women need us to survive.
I could be biased, seeing as I was raised by Black women and was surrounded by them during my upbringing. That being said, I feel as though we have the strongest, most desirable women. Their skin is tight, their curves are dramatic, but more important than any tangible attribute is the intangible — the ability to teach, lead, and persevere with or without us. According to the National Center of Education Statistics, our women are the most educated of any group in the country. Our women are thriving and it seems as though there’s a million women for each Black man. So, we often jump around and fraternize with many, wondering what we’re missing by loving just one, just to see that the magic in Black women is inherent. The magic is not on Black women, but in them. Many times we don’t understand that, so we end up on a hamster wheel of desiring, loving, and leaving.
It’s just as easy as it is childish to point the finger at our women and say they should follow us, but how could they? I’ll avoid using the word ‘lost’, but Black men are reprogramming themselves. We’re in the midst of breaking away from shoddy advice from shoddy role models. Our consciousness is at war with the depictions of us, our women, and our children. We’re seeing that education is just as prudent as hard work. Like our women, we’re healing in ways that are unique to us. And while Black women may not need us, we need them. We need the love, the support, and their vision in order to truly thrive in this Western world.
I know Black women can grow tired of apologies from their men, but it needs to be said. On behalf of Black men, I apologize. We didn’t protect, love, or care for you the way we should have. But we’re learning ourselves just as we’re learning to appreciate our women. For those who aren’t jaded by Black men in general, thank you for seeing the potential and beauty in us as men — you may be the only group of people to do so.