Health & Fitness


M. Lauren

Monday: I tried last week and failed. I subsequently failed at planning and am failing currently. My eating is going to be the death of me if I don’t get my life. I am going to make another batch of this soup which will take care of lunch. If I liked eggs I’d make mini quiche or something but eggs are gross. Maybe I will try this oatmeal recipe I found. I go back to the gym tomorrow, so let’s hope I can commit to this 4:30am wakeup call. I swear, I am going to rock booty shorts all summer, I’m just gonna have to sacrifice my tastebuds and my sleep until I get my life.

Tuesday: Do I even want to speak on this?! I haven’t been to the gym. I haven’t succeeded in eating. In fact, I barely even ate today, oops! I just, basically, have failed on all fronts. I don’t feel that bad about this because I still have another 5 days this week to make up for it. But please, PLEASE do not bring any cake around me. PLEASE.

Update: This is ALL Jas’ fault: I had cheesecake. We met for dinner at one of our fave spots so that we could eat and work. Well, we ate, good. And then JAS decided that she just had to have cheesecake. I fell prey to peer pressure. I had cheesecake. It was decent. We then went to Starbucks, I think I chose a lower calorie drink. So, Jas’ bad influence ended up balancing out. Do not believe any of Jas’ lies, she is a master dessert manipulator.

Wednesday: Do not judge me for what I am about to say about my humpday. I tried very hard to eat my feelings and failed. I had a horrid day and I needed to go pick up some things at Target. I was exceptionally hungry. So, of course, I peruse the food aisles and find tons of desserts – chocolate brownie cookies, brownie brittle, some kind of crispy cookie brittle. I also saw my fave honey wheat pretzels and plain Ruffles chips, with dip. In my defense, I texted Jas and T. Simone first and Jas told me not to. I ignored her, I bought it all. I planned to sit in my house and eat all my feelings, one sweet morsel at a time. Well, unfortunately, we had a tragedy in the family and I left to be at my friend’s side. I had to leave for church so I’m pretty sure I ate some cereal before and that was it. So, of course I was starving when I got home and made a grilled cheese with Ruffles and sweet onion dip. It was bomb. I appreciated every food moment of Wednesday. I didn’t eat my feelings the way I originally planned so, I regret nothing.

Thursday: It should be clear by now that I haven’t worked out. I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot talk myself into doing something I don’t want to do. I can’t even guilt myself into it. I know I’m not going to do it even when I say that I am. So, this tells me that accountability is going to be my best frenemy. I need help. I don’t even dislike working out, I just don’t like waking up early. I also dislike having to workout after work because it seems to take my whole evening when I have things to do. Basically, I’m making excuses. I’ll work on this next week. Oh yes, I also procrastinate. I am no one’s healthy example for exercise. I am a good role model in many other ways though, so, listen to all of my other good advice!

Friday: I can’t really say much about today, I didn’t eat that much because I was trying to get things done at work before I had to leave for a wedding (Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Bankston!!) I had Wendys :/ and I ate good at the wedding! They had freaking chicken quarters, I mean, come on!! That chicken was bomb. I had veggies and wild rice with it.  So, I ate well. I think it should be obvious that I didn’t work out. I woke up early enough but I decided that sleep was much more important. #KanyeShrug 

Saturday: Look, there was some bomb desserts at the wedding dessert table last night. So, don’t judge me for starting my day with cereal and the bombest cookie of life. Seriously, I need to know where these cookies come from!! Who do I have to stalk to get my hands on those cookies?!?! Anyway, I didn’t eat much in the middle of the day in preparation for my friend’s birthday party (Hey, Charron!!) I really want you all to understand the bombness that this birthday party was, okay!? So, we went to a kitchen where a chef demonstrated and prepared a 4-course meal for us. We had plenty of wine, meat and cheese tray and fruit while we waited. Have you all come to understand my love affair with cheese yet? Well, I love cheese, I LOVE CHEESE! So, I had my fill of cheese and grapes. Then, we had a cobb salad, stuffed mushrooms, flank steak with garlic mashed potatoes (and yes, I asked for a ton of extra butter) and grilled asparagus. Finished that off with mixed berry crisp with ice cream. Let me just explain the superb bomb-ness of this meal. I can’t explain it. It was just that great. The experience was completely worth it!!! Look for my full write up later this week!

Sunday: I started the day off with a green smoothie. I ran out of almond milk so I had to use this mango purée. I do not want to ever use that again because it is entirely too sweet! However, I cut it with plain water, so that helped. I am going to have catfish and grits for lunch, so at least I started off right, right!?!? No, I did not cook like I thought I would. I did see some things I might cook tonight though, so, maybe!? I guess M.L. needs to get her life :/

I figured that you may want my green smoothie recipe… or not. I’m going to give it to you anyway!!

I don't believe I have ever made the same smoothie twice so this is... 
March 20th's Green Smoothie:
Mango Puree
Fresh Blueberries
Frozen Pineapple tidbits (Trader Joe's. They are incredibly sweet) 
Frozen bananas (I freeze these myself. when they're super ripe, I cut them in 1" chunks and put them in a freezer bag. They keep very well)
Frozen peaches
Filtered water
Blend to smoothness and taste. I added more pineapple and mango after the first blend.
Remember: Never, ever skip the banana if your smoothie base is kale. Unless you enjoy drinking salad.


Monday: So today I cheated on fitbody and went to a new gym. Its called Naturally Gifted Fitness. I did a one hour long bootcamp. It was way different than I thought it would be. I imagined there would be some small weights, ropes, and cardio moves like my gym. It was allllllllll cardio. It was kind of like Insanity but the moves were all doable and the instructor wasn’t annoying. I liked it for the calories burned but I kind of hate classes where we all stand in rows and do the same stuff together to music. It reminds me of Zumba and I hate Zumba. Anyway I ate healthy today as well. So far so good.

Tuesday: So today I realized I really am sad that M.L. had cake like three days in a row last week. I want cake too. I love cake. I didn’t work out today. Yesterday’s class has me crazy sore. I ate so so. Breakfast was raisin bran crunch and cashew milk. I skipped on lunch. Drank plenty of water. Then I decided to get dinner with M.L. She is bad ya’ll. We went to Aladdin’s Eatery and they had cookie dough cheesecake. I ate said cheesecake. I loved said cheesecake. She didn’t even stop me, in fact she got a piece of caramel apple cheesecake. I also had a white hot chocolate from Starbucks. As I write this I feel weak, and sleepy. I think all of the sugary goodness gave me the itis. I will have to make up for this at the gym in the next three days. I am not excited.

Wednesday: Today sucked. I went to the gym or whatever but who cares. My baby puppy, Orchid, passed away. I am torn up inside.

Thursday: I am still sad, I am not going to the gym or eating well and I don’t care.

Friday: I am getting drunk, I am eating red velvet cake. I still do not care. I did lose 5 lbs though.

Saturday: I have been drinking since noon yesterday. It is making me feel less sad about Orchid. I am also eating whatever I want. It isn’t healthy but I am not here for fitness right now.

Sunday: Today will be my last day eating bad, I will return to the gym in the upcoming week. I guess I have to move on. I miss my puppy. I am going to drink whiskey tonight and eat a donut and then I will stop cheating.